The following is a bonus chapter from Dr. Kimberly Harden's ebook, 50 by 50: Life Lessons I’ve Learned (So Far).
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There's wisdom in knowing when to leave situations that no longer nurture you. It took me years—and a lot of heartache—to truly understand the power of those words.
For years, I sat at tables where love had long since disappeared. Whether it was in romantic relationships, friendships, or even family dynamics, I often stayed far past the point where mutual respect, care, and affection were still on the menu. I convinced myself that if I just tried harder, was more patient, or lowered my expectations, love would somehow be served again.
I remember a particularly poignant experience with a long-term partner. Our relationship had started beautifully, full of warmth, understanding, and shared dreams. But as the years went by, those elements slowly disappeared. Conversations became terse, quality time became rare, and emotional support dwindled to nearly nothing. Yet I stayed, clinging to the memory of what once was and the hope of what could be again.
Then it hit me: I was waiting for a meal that would never be served. The love I craved wasn’t just momentarily unavailable—it had left the building entirely. That realization was painful, but it was also liberating.
Learning to leave the table is not about giving up at the first sign of trouble. Relationships of all kinds require work, compromise, and the understanding that there will be ups and downs. But there’s a crucial difference between weathering a rough patch together and sitting alone at a barren table, hoping for scraps that never come.
The challenge lies in recognizing when it’s time to leave. It’s not always a dramatic moment of betrayal or conflict that signals the end. Often, it’s a slow fade, a gradual emptying of the love that once filled your shared space. It’s in the increasing silences, the unmet needs, the growing sense of loneliness even when you’re together.
Leaving the table requires courage. It means facing the fear of the unknown, the discomfort of change, and, sometimes, the judgment of others who don’t understand your decision. It means valuing yourself enough to say: “I deserve to be at a table where love is abundant, where it’s given freely and received gratefully.”
But here’s what I’ve learned: Leaving one table makes room for another—or better yet, the chance to set your own, where love is the main course, served in generous portions to those who truly belong there.
I embraced the wisdom of legendary artists Nina Simone, Maya Angelou, and James Baldwin… I’ve become more discerning about the tables I choose to sit at. I’ve learned to recognize the signs of a table running low on love, and I’ve developed the strength to walk away before the plates are empty. I value myself and my time enough to be in spaces where love is reciprocal and abundant.
This lesson applies beyond romantic relationships. It’s relevant in friendships, family dynamics, and even professional settings. Anywhere that you invest your heart and energy should be a place where you receive care, respect, and appreciation in return.
Learning to leave the table has taught me about self-respect, about the value of my own company, and about the kind of love I want in my life. It’s shown me that being alone is far preferable to being lonely in the company of others.
If you find yourself at a table where love is no longer being served, know that it’s okay to get up and leave. It’s not just okay—it’s necessary for your well-being and growth. Trust that other tables exist—where love is abundant, freely given, and deeply felt. You deserve a seat at one of them. And if you don’t find one? Set your own and fill it with the love you deserve.
-Kimberly
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